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Will Never Happen on Grey's Anatomy
Episode 4.1 - Complications
Callie looks up, very groggy and sees Addison
Addison: It worked. Your daughter's fine.
Callie: My daughter? She's a girl?
Cristina: Yeah, most daughters are.
Addison: (turns to Yang) Get out, Yang.
Cristina: Whatever. (She leaves the room)
(Olivia enters the room carrying infant, wrapped in pink and hands her to Callie.
Olivia: Here she is. (Smiles)
(Callie takes baby. Grins from ear to ear, plays with baby's nose)
Addison: Thank you, Olivia. (Olivia leaves the room)
Callie:(looks at Addison) What are you doing here? Didn't you go to L.A.?
(Chief walks in to room)
Addison: Yes, I went to L.A., but there were complications with your pregnancy.
Callie: Complications? What? Where's George?
Chief: Things at Seattle Grace are always complicated. You should know that by now.
Addison: (turns to Chief, gently purses left side of mouth, glares at Chief with her left eye.) Get out, Chief.
Chief: Whatever.(He leaves the room)
Addison: George is baking muffins.
Callie: Muffins and complications??
Addison: You think this is complicated? You should see what goes on with those who have private practices. But that's another story. So have you picked out a name?
Callie: Yes, her name is Izzie.
Mer V.O: Life is complicated. Very complicated. No matter we do or say, it just gets more complicated.
6 minutes of commercials
(Cristina walking down the hall after leaving Callie's room.
Mer: (leaves ladies room and sees Cristina): I've been looking all over for you. It'll be OK. Men are such pigs, but it'll be OK. These things take time.
Cristina: What are you talking about?
Mer: Uh, uh, Burke.
Cristina:(lowers her eyes, wipes away a tear) You're right. They are pigs, but Burke was my pig.
(Continue to walk down hall.)
Cristina: What am I going to do?
Meredith: Just make some joke about Bambi.
Cristina: Oh, just hearing the name. I feel so much better, now, coming back to reality and remembering that I'm not the only person in this place with troubles.
Meredith: No, Cristina, you're not the only one.
Cristina: But my troubles are bigger. We all know that. Mine are bigger than everyone else's because I can handle problems. I don't fall apart. Oh, Meredith, thank you so much (Cristina falls to the floor screaming and curls into a fetal position and whimpers)
6 minutes of commercials
All Hands On Deck
Mer V.O. "Life is a game. We win, we lose, we tie. It's a test. We pass, we fail, we skip school."
(Chief sitting at his desk signing papers. Alex knocks and walks in.)
Alex: Did you hear about the game?
Chief: No, what happened?
Alex: One of the Mariners was injured. They said it was pretty bad and they're sending him here.
Chief: Which one?
Alex: I don't know.
(siren wails. New crop of interns run toward emergency room entrance. Cristina walks past interns on her way to surgery and rolls her eyes toward ceiling and shakes her head. Chief gets up and walks hurriedly to the ER with Alex.)
Chief: We better get prepared. Don't let the TV people get in the way.
(Medics jump out of ambulance, open rear doors and pull out a gurney. Camera pans faces of hospital staff - Alex chuckles slightly and silently, Izzie's face retreats ever so slightly, Bailey shakes her head, Meredith stares blankly... Camera pans back to gurney as it is lowered and we see the head of a man with a baseball stuck in his mouth.
Alex:(whispers to Chief) He's not getting to second base for awhile.
(Bailey turns her head very slowly toward Alex, frowns and then looks back to the gurney. New interns race out, one trips and is helped up by Chief.)
Medic A: Pulse 54, BP 185/26
Chief: What happened?
Medic B: He was in the stands, leaned over to catch a foul ball.
Alex: (mutters to himself) Yea, he caught it.
Chief: We heard one of the players was hurt.
Medic B: He's right behind us.
(Siren wails as second ambulance pulls up. Doors open, medics jump out, open rear door, pull out gurney with Barry Bonds lying on it.
Medic C: The guy with the ball fell on top of him. His head hit the railing, broke his left arm. BP dropping like a ball.
Chief: Thank God it wasn't Ichiro!
(King TV van (Channel 5)pulls up. Paul Silva, KING sports reporter jumps out of truck along with cameraman. Runs up to Chief)
Silva: What's his condition, Chief Webber?
Alex:(mutters to himself) He's hurt.
Chief:(looks at Alex and mouthes "Shut up")
Silva: He's bleeding. Will you test his blood for steroids?
Chief: We can't discuss anything about the patient.
(Medics wheel gurneys into ER. Staff follows)
4 minutes of commercials
Chief: Torez, your job is to keep the press out.
Callie: (with a puzzled look) But, Chief, I'm a surgeon, an ortho, he has a broken arm.
Chief: (assertively, but not aggressively) We'll call you when we need you. I need to keep the press in line and you need the practice.
Callie: (lowers her eyes and swallows very slightly, and then looks up) Yes, sir.
Chief: Dereck, we'll need you to get on the ball. Bailey you're working with us. Yang, Stevens, you work with Korev on Bonds. Grey, you're the back up. Touch bases with Derek and Yang. O'Malley, you sit in the gallery with the interns. Tell them what's going on and why.
Interns give a puzzled at look at Chief and then at George)
Yang: We're going to need blood work on Bonds. God knows what he has running around in there.
(All run toward the O.R.s; interns to the gallery. One trips and George helps him up. Yang looks to the celing and shakes her head.
(Chief in the OR; pulls the ball out of the patient. Three teeth break. and patient begins to choke.)
Chief: Tracheotomy, now!
Derek: (slits the patient's throat) I've got it! Where's the damn tube?
Bailey: (hands him a straw from the chocolate milkshake she had at lunch. ) This is all we have.
Derek: (Takes it from Bailey and jams it in the patients throat: He needs oxygen. Bailey, start blowing
Bailey: (looks at Derek, her head snaps back, eyes pull back into head)
Derek: Just blow. I don't care what you call it.
Bailey: (leans over and gives him air.)
(Cut to Yang and Korev. Blood squirts in to yangs face)
Soundtrack - "Smoke gets in your eyes"
Yang: Korev, cut the the tendon.
Nurse 1: Blood pressure's dropping
Yang: What? Not on my watch. I'm too good at this.
Korev: (packs Bonds bicep with towel to stop the bleeding): Of course you are.
Yang: where's the bloodwork
Nurse: Rushes in with papers and hands them to Yang: Here's the workup
Yang: (looks at papers) What the hell is that?
Nurse 2: Heart rate is dropping, down to 43, 26.
Yang: Get the paddles
Korev:(grabs and lubricates paddles, reaches over Bonds' chest and pushes them on Bonds' chest.) Charge! ( Bonds twitches)
Yang: Again, again
Korev: (Applies the paddles) Charge, charge! (Bonds twitches. flat lines)
Korev: He's gone
Yang: (steps back) looks at blood work with Korev) There aren't any steroids, but what is that?
Korev: I don't know. But he was full of it.
Yang: (lowers her eyes)Call it.
Korev: 6:32 PM
Meredith:(V.O)." I don't like games. And sometimes the results are just stupid."
Love Is In The Air(Interns walk into the gallery. George waves to Izzie)
Intern: What's he doing now?
George: He's washing his hands.
Intern: Oh, that's the first time I've seen anyone do that.
Norman: I guess it's true. One hand does wash the other.
Intern: (shakes his head.)
2nd intern: Those gloves look very strange!
George: Those are condoms.
Norman: Condoms, gloves, what's the fifference?
Lexie: (giggles) Why are they wearing them?
George: The guy has an STD and they don't want to catch it.
Norman: STD? Oh, Sexy Television Drama. I get it.
3rd intern: (shakes his head)
Nurse: (hands Yang a scalpel)
Yang: Clap, please.
Nurse: (rummages hurriedly through instrument tray): We don't haveclap.
Yang: Oh, that's right. (looks at patient) He has it. Wait a minute, shouldn't he be wearing gloves?
Chief: (Shakes his head)
Korev: (looks under patient's gown) He only needs one: And a small one.
Meredith (V.O) It rains a lot in Seattle. Actually it just drips.
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