Dr. Alex Karev's Quotes, Quips, and Wisdom

Those busy surgeons always manage to have astute observations about love, life, death, and relationships (natch). Sometimes profound, sometimes funny, but always worth remembering--so let's collect them here! (Click EasyEdit) ALEX: I dunno... it's just... Meredith always makes me think screwed up people have a chance."GEORGE: "Do you know how massive this hospital is? How people - not just sick people - not to mention if I'm a little kid, how places can I hide? He's little. He's... a little kid can hide anywhere."ALEX: "You're lookin' for a kid?"GEORGE: "Yeah. His mom's in surgery and if I don't find this kid Bailey is going to change her son's middle name to Elvis or Tupperware... anything will be better than George."ALEX: "I know where a kid might be."GEORGE: "Really?"CRISTINA: "It's Meredith?"ALEX: "Yeah."CRISTINA: "Are you sure? Did you see her? Because it could be any-"ALEX: "It's Meredith."CRISTINA: [in disbelief] "Oh... Oh."ALEX: "I would notice."ADDISON: "What?"ALEX: "I would notice...if you were missing, I would notice." ALEX: [to patient] "Hey. I'm not going to be able to make it to your surgery. Here's the thing. You were crushed underneath a cement pylon. Dozens of people on that ferry boat died, but you're still alive. So when I come back to check on you after the surgery, you better still be alive. All right? You hear me? Alright."ALEX: "Whatever. I'm stuck babysitting the patients' families and you get to scrub in."CRISTINA: "I'm not... scrubbing in. I'm stitching up patients in the Pit."ALEX: "Ha. Who'd you pissed off to get that?"CRISTINA: "I happen to be pulling gaping pieces of flesh back together."ALEX: "You're stitching. You're just one step closer to knitting your grandma's sweater."CRISTINA: "At least mine's medical."ALEX: "You knit, I pull pylons off people."ALEX: "I rescued her. I climbed down. I pulled a massive pylon off her. I got her here alive."CRISTINA: "There are pylons? There're pylons on people?"CRISTINA: "Hey! What was the site like? Was it gory? Was it a trauma bonanza? Obviously terrible."ALEX: "I don't talk to thieves."CRISTINA: "What?"ALEX: "You stole my Jane Doe right off from under me."CRISTINA: "I am not a thief. Man, you balked. You're a balker."ALEX: "I was thinking."ALEX: "Where are we going?"MIRANDA: "We’ll know when we get there."IZZIE: "What kind of situation? Fire? Flood? Volcano? Because I’m not really dressed for a volcano."MIRANDA: "Stevens!"IZZIE: "Sorry, that was inappropriate. Sorry."ALEX: "Dude, she's Callie O'Malley."ALEX: "You kissed me right? You kissed me and ever since, you've been avoiding me."ADDISON: "Alex."ALEX: "No, you've been avoiding me because you just assumed I want you. Or you just expect that everyone you look at sideways is pining after you, right? Has it even occurred to you that maybe I'm not interested?"ADDISON: "You're not interested?"ALEX: "You think I wanna be just another intern sleeping an attending?"ADDISON: "You kissed me back."ALEX: "You're my boss. I mean, what did you expect me to do? Look, Sloan's had me changing bandages all day, and I would way rather be scrubbing in one of your surgeries. And if you keep avoiding me, I don't get to scrub in, so stop avoiding me. [pauses] Look, it happened. But it doesn't have to happen again."IZZIE: "George has turned into a sex machine. Are you hearing me? A machine of sex! We have to do something. What's wrong with you people?"MEREDITH: "Derek kept me up all night with his ranting. Cristina and Burke still are not speaking to each other."CRISTINA: "Okay, you know what? I'm fine. I mean I'm just not going to be the first one talking. He has to talk because I'm in the right. Talking first is for losers, and I'm winning."MEREDITH: "And Alex. I don't know what's wrong with Alex."ALEX: "I'm good. I'm all good."ALEX: "When you get a minute, I would like to talk about the whole kissing thing."ALEX: "So you're together but you don't talk to each other. Wish I could find that in a woman."MEREDITH: "Hey, how's it going with Addison?"ALEX: "What? What do- what do y-you mean by that?"CRISTINA: "What are you plotting and can I get in on it?"ALEX: "The vanilla latte? I did that on purpose."ADDISON: "Why?"ALEX: "Because he was rude to you." [they stare at each other, lean in and almost kiss, but are interrupted at the last second by a nurse]ALEX: "I'm um sorry."ADDISON: "Don't worry, I'm sorry. Gosh, I'm sorry."ALEX: "No, I'm okay. I'm just er, gonna-"ADDISON: "Yeah okay. Yeah." MARK: "What the hell is this, Karev? Vanilla? Are you trying to poison me, or are you just trying to make my day a little bit worse?"ADDISON: "Mark!"ALEX: "Coffee cart must have screwed up."MARK: "No, if you can't handle coffee, you can't handle plastics. Maybe you ought to head back to the gynie squad where life is all squishy and pink."ADDISON: "Squishy and pink though it may be, I have an amazing surgery today Karev, if you want in."MARK: "Do you like wasting my time? Is it fun for you?"ALEX: "No, sir."MARK: "Then get it right."ADDISON: "Do you like abusing interns? Is it fun for you?"MARK: "Yes, it is. And in case you've forgotten, you don't get to high-horse me this week, Addison. Not this week." [leaves]ALEX: "He's an ass."ADDISON: "Not this week."MEREDITH: "Hey, how's it going with Addison?"ALEX: "She's doing well." MEREDITH: "Izzie, you cut the LVAD wire and she stuck by you and did Denny's ECHO. Alex cheated on Izzie with syph nurse and she helped you study for your boards. And George, when everybody was calling you 007-"GEORGE: "She was calling me 007." [leaves]MEREDITH: "Just let her off the hook."ALEX: "It's okay."IZZIE: "Sorry."ALEX: [to Cristina] "You're here? You haven't been kicked out of the program yet."MEREDITH: "Alex."CRISTINA: "No, not yet. I'm still here."ALEX: "How did you do it? I mean, did you have some kinda signal in surgery so that the nurses wouldn't know? Or did you..."MEREDITH: "Alex!"ALEX: "What? I'm just wondering how to get ahead around here. Me? I get coffee for Sloan and Yang gets surgeries none of us would get."MIRANDA: "Stevens. You are to-"IZZIE: "Look and not touch or speak or breathe. I got it."MARK: "So this is the crack team, huh?"MIRANDA: "Feel free to take one."MARK: "How about I take the one who doesn't touch, or speak or breathe?"IZZIE: "Great."ALEX: "Dammit."ALEX: "O'm calling it. It's mine."GEORGE: "I have two brothers. I feel their pain."IZZIE: "I would be great at watching this."MIRANDA: "Zip it. All of you."ALEX: "We're all on the case, right?"MIRANDA: "Right."GEORGE: "Yes!"ALEX: "Awesome."MRS. O'MALLEY: "I put out some breakfast in case you kids haven't eaten."ALEX: "Score."BAILEY: "Karev." ADDISON: "You're a decent guy, Alex. I'd hate to see Sloan beat that out of you. Anyway."ALEX: [long pause] "Yeah, thanks." GEORGE: "Why aren't you bragging about decanutlating the heart?"CRISTINA: "I didn't decanulate the heart."IZZIE: "Izzie and Alex do not believe you."MEREDITH: "Okay, what are you two doing?"IZZIE: "Izzie and Alex have a patient who speaks about himself in the third person."ALEX: "They thought it was annoying at first, but now they kinda like it."MARK: "Frank, these are interns. I'm supposed to be teaching them. Apparently, this is a teaching hospital. Karev?"ALEX: "Frank Jeffries is post op day three for pectoral enhancement surgery. There was a slight complication when a saroma formed."MARK: [yawns] "And what is a saroma?"IZZIE: "A build up of blood and fluid under the skin."MARK: "And that concludes today's teaching. A tube was inserted in Mr. Jeffries' chest to drain the excess fluid. I want you to monitor him, check the tube for fluid output, change the dressing, and Dr. Stevens, I guess you can... watch."ALEX: "Actually Dr. Stevens is an excellent doctor."MARK: "Yeah. That's what I hear."MARK: "How're you doing, Mr. Jeffries?"FRANK: "Oh, Frank's doin' okay. He'd be doin' alot better if the twins were even."ALEX: "Uh... twins?"FRANK: "Frank's new pecs."IZZIE: "Who is Frank?"FRANK: "You're lookin' at him!"CRISTINA: "I'm scrubbing in on a surgery with Dr. Burke this morning."MIRANDA: "Of course you are. Karev, Sloan. Grey, Pit. Stevens, shadow Karev. And let me remind you again of the rules of your probation."ALEX: "I think she knows the rules, Dr. Bailey."MIRANDA: "No touching patients, no talking to patients, no rolling your eyes at patients, or your superiors."ALEX: "Dr. Stevens is shadowing me today, so-"IZZIE: "Which one of these cases do you need us on?"MARK: "It's a really tragic one. I found out just this morning that I have over two weeks worth of dry cleaning that needs to be picked up. Stat."ALEX: "Cool, that's it?"MARK: "See, we're like a well-oiled machine, you and me. I also need you two to get me a sandwich from that pathetic excuse for a deli. You know the one I like, Karev. Oh, and go easy on the mayo this time. I think you're trying to kill me." IZZIE: "Tell me again why you put up with this crap?"ALEX: "Because one of these days he's gonna crack and let me in on a case."IZZIE: "You sure you wanna do plastics that badly?"MARK: "There you are! What, did you go all the way to New York for my pastrami?"ALEX: "Extra spicy, extra lettuce, light on the mayo."IZZIE: "I... I can't... I just..."ALEX: "Alex gets it. Alex is sorry he's such an idiot." IZZIE: [laughs] "Can Izzie buy Alex a drink?"IZZIE: "I didn't know you still feel that way about me."ALEX: "I didn't either." ALEX: "I just came out here to have some fun. Then the guy gets all over me about what I'm wearing. He just rubs me the wrong way."RICHARD: "You're on a camping trip. You're supposed to be enjoying the great outdoors."ALEX: "You know I grew up in a bar? Literally, in a bar. My dad was always doing one of two things in there. Playing music or drinking. Dude never even took me to the park. I just figured this was my chance to get out with the guys, but the one time I try-"RICHARD: "You wanted to be a different person." GEORGE & ALEX: "A slap fight?!"GEORGE: "Hey, have you noticed anything going on with Burke?"ALEX: "No."GEORGE: "Cause before I thought I saw - what are you doing? You don't use bait when you're casting. It's gonna fall off before it hits the water. Here -- what are you?"ALEX: "She's sleeping with Sloan, dude."GEORGE: "What?"ALEX: "Callie. She's sleeping with Sloan."GEORGE: "No she's not."ALEX: "Yes. Torres is doing Sloan!"GEORGE: "Take it back!"MARK: "So we're clear: You knew when you stepped into that surgery you forfeited your future in plastics, right?"ALEX: "But, Dr. Sloan-"MARK: "Give me my phone back." CRISTINA: [looks at board] "I'm so sorry. This is completely illegible. I'm gonna like... why don't you just write it properly? Can you please give me a minute?"GEORGE: "She's writing on the OR board."ALEX: "Maybe I should sleep with Burke."GEORGE: "Burke's back and suddenly Cristina's running his board? Who does she think she is? Bailey?"MEREDITH: "She's helping him."ALEX: "Bull. She's taking advantage. She gets out of rounds. She scrubs in on every surgery Burke does. She's ordering around third-year residents."MEREDITH: "You guys are overreacting."ALEX: "I'd buy the Bahamas. Or at least a Bahama. An island. You know, for eight million dollars, you could buy an island."IZZIE: "Mer is the one with problems."MEREDITH: "What is wrong with me?"IZZIE: "Well, you haven't told McDreamy that you dumped McVet."CRISTINA: "Oh, you hadn't done that yet?"ALEX: "Dude, tell him already."GEORGE: "She's scared."MEREDITH: "I am not scared. Derek walked away. He walked away. And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe he's happier. Maybe he's moved on. He's got Addison here. He's got Mark here. He's got a lot to deal with. And I'm not gonna make him feel guilty. I mean, I am being an adult here and I'm not going to drag him into our whole... Izzie is the one with the big check!"IZZIE: "I'm fine." ALEX: "Wasn't patient 349... Denny?CRISTINA: "Eight million dollars could get us on a plane far far away from here." ALEX: "Why not just cut me loose and let me in on a surgery where I might actually learn something?"ADDISON: "Mark Sloan's burn case."ALEX: "I'm going into plastics anyway."ADDISON: "You think that Mark Sloan has anything to teach you? He's just like you. He's only looking out for himself."ALEX: "So what? Your patient's looking out for herself, you're looking out for yourself."ADDISON: "No, I'm not, actually."ALEX: "Well, maybe you should be." ALEX: "Does it hurt?"IZZIE: "Yeah."ALEX: "Where does it hurt?"IZZIE: "Everywhere..."ALEX: "Maybe it hurts for a reason." ALEX: "How do you not know your kid's pregnant?"ADDISON: "You love your kids, you want to see the best in them."ALEX: "Okay, then how do you have a baby and throw it in a trash can?"ADDISON: "Something happens, and you panic. You freeze, and you wanna hide it and pretend like it didn't happen... I get that."ALEX: "You get that?"ADDISON: "I do. I just don't get what happens afterward. I don't get how you go back to class and pretend like everythings fine, everythings not fine." ADDISON: "This poor child... has to go home to a mom that's in juvie and grandparents are so clueless, they didnt even know their child was pregnant. What kind of childhood is that?" ALEX: [pauses] "You can get over a bad childhood. You can have the worst crap in the world happen to you. You can get over it. All you gotta do is survive"[in flashback]ALEX: Surgery's hard core.IZZIE: I'm hard core!ALEX: You won't last a year.MEREDITH: "Dude, you lost your mojo."ALEX: "Excuse you?"MEREDITH: "I was trying to talk boy."ALEX: "O'Malley plugs a hole with his finger and everyone walks around like he's some kind of hero. I have one off day-"MEREDITH: "You chickened out."ALEX: "I hesitated briefly."MEREDITH: "Why didn't you kiss Izzie?"ALEX: "And now I'm leaving."MEREDITH: "Addison yelling at you in front of a patient?"ALEX: "She didn't exactly yell... Fine, she's Satan’s whore."MEREDITH: "Thank you. So, did you yell back?"ALEX: "No."IZZIE: "I laugh at funerals."ALEX: "I don’t go to funerals... Izzie, Iz--"IZZIE: "I was jealous, I was jealous of Meredith in the surgery and I was jealous and now... now who’s jealous, Alex?" IZZIE: "Take off your pants."ALEX: "Izzie, what are you doing?"IZZIE: "I'm being a doer. Getting while the getting's good. Now take off your pants."ALEX: "You realize when I said the apocalypse before, I meant it metaphorically, not literally."IZZIE: "Alex, I haven't had sex in eight months and 12 days. I'm horny, I'm half-naked, and I'm saying yes. Do you want to stand there and talk metaphors, or do you want to literally take off your pants?"IZZIE: "Alex."ALEX: "How crazy is this? Dude, it's like the Apocalypse."IZZIE: "Alex."ALEX: "It's true. Look around you. Half the people who're supposed to be saving lives have fled the building to save themselves. Bailey's husband almost died coming to see his kid getting born. The annoying twins are down on the OR floor with the guy who might literally explode their faces."IZZIE: "Alex!"ALEX: "Okay, can you tell me exactly what happened to your husband."PATIENT'S WIFE: "So my idiot husband goes and stands in front of his 'big gun' to see what went wrong. That's when the stupid toy starts working."SYDNEY: "Anyone want to probe the wound?"CRISTINA / ALEX: "I do."ALEX: "I'd really love to try your method of healing with love."SYDNEY: "I like the way you think, Alex. You do the honors." IZZIE: "You do glow."ALEX: "Like the moon."MIRANDA: "And you can spend the day in the pit, Karev."GEORGE: "You know what? Forget this."ALEX: "Hey, do you wanna get rid of the syph or not? Then shut up and drop it."GEORGE: "Can't believe I'm doing this." [sees Mer] "Meredith! Go away!"MEREDITH: "Oh, George. I thought you could use some moral support."GEORGE: "No. No moral support. I'm indisposed here!"MEREDITH: "George. It's not a big deal. And you have a cute butt."ALEX: "I have a cute butt too. Want to see?"MEREDITH: "Oh, get out. You're doing it wrong."ALEX: "Be my guest."GEORGE: "What? Alex. Alex! What!? Hey!"GEORGE: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"ALEX: "It's a shot of penicillin, George. Be grateful that I am doing this. I've already seen more of you than I ever wanted to. I'll fight the nightmares for a week."ALEX: "Everybody’s got a secret. Just be glad yours is out in the open."CRISTINA: "Oh yeah, Alex? What’s yours?"ALEX: "Show me yours and I'll show you mine. I bet you've got some seriously kinky skeletons in your closet."CRISTINA: "What’s in my closet is none of your business."IZZIE: "Well, I don't have any secrets, my life is boring."MEREDITH: "Everybody’s got something to hide." CRISTINA: "Hey, Syph-boy!"GEORGE: "You told her?"IZZIE: "Just Cristina."ALEX: [smirks] "Syph-boy. It's got a nice ring to it. Kind of like Super-boy, only diseased."GEORGE: "God, he's got an ovary?"ALEX: "Gives a whole new meaning to metrosexual." ALEX: [to George] "Who gave you the cooties on the playground?"ALEX: "I know I’m pretty to look at and all, George, but back up."MEREDITH: "I tried to talk Dr. Shepherd out of that clot surgery. What is wrong with me?"ALEX: "Basically, you tried to kill a guy."CRISTINA: [to Alex] "Basically, you're an ass."GEORGE: "How’s a pompous c**ky jackass like you always have women all over him?"ALEX: "Little bluebell pills. Lots of them."GEORGE: "Oh, c'mon."ALEX: "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. O'Malley, you think too much. Can’t you see it? You gotta dance and jab, dance and jab! Like me. I am the Ali of this place." ALEX: "Glad to know you can keep a secret, Grey."MEREDITH: "No. I can't, I'm seeing someone."ALEX: "Look, if you don't want to go out with me just say so, you don't need to lie."MEREDITH: "Oh, okay. I don't want to go out with you... and I think I might be seeing someone."MEREDITH: "Are you really as shallow and callous as you seem?"ALEX: "Want to grab a drink and hear about my secret pain?"MEREDITH: "Does that line ever work for you?"ALEX: "Sometimes."GEORGE: "You paged me?"IZZIE: "I’m gonna be a while. Do you think you could get home to sign for the beer?"ALEX: "Why don’t you have your boyfriend sign for it?"IZZIE: "You have a very annoying way of sneaking up on people. Maybe if you were a little less creepy."ALEX: "I wouldn’t come anyway. I hate big parties."DEREK: "The first person I killed? I was a second-year resident. James Hanson. Go home, Dr. Karev. There's nothing you can do for him now."ALEX: [pauses] "No one should die alone."IZZIE: "Here, my share of the grocery money. When are you going?"GEORGE: "Tonight."IZZIE: "Okay. Seriously, George. Please don't-"GEORGE: "Yeah, could we not talk about it here?"IZZIE: "What? Tampons?"GEORGE: "Did you not hear a word I said?"IZZIE: "You're a man, we know."ALEX: "Talk about shrinking the salamander!"DEREK: "What are our options?"GEORGE: "MRI?"ALEX: "Brilliant! The guy's got nails in his head! Let's put him in a giant magnet." ALEX: [to Mer] "I heard you broke his penis. Nice!"ALEX: "I'm a hotshot doctor. I don't have any problems."ROBERT: "You probably don't have any friends, either."ALEX: "Still not talking to me?"OLIVIA: "You gave me syphilis! And I am talking to you. I just don't have anything to say."MEREDITH: [to Alex] "You're just pissed that two women got the harvest."ALEX: "I'm just pissed that anyone except me got the harvest. Boobs in no way factor into this. Unless you want to show me yours..."MEREDITH: "I'm going to become a lesbian."CRISTINA: "Me too."ALEX: "God, I smell good! You know what, it's the smell of an open heart surgery. It is awesome. It. Is. Awesome! You gotta smell me."MEREDITH: "I don't want to smell you."ALEX: [wraps arms around Mer] "Oh, yes you do!"MEREDITH: [shoves Alex] "You've gotta to be kidding me! I've got more important things to deal with than you. I've got roommates, boy problems and family problems... You wanna act like a little frat boy bitch, that's fine. You wanna take credit for your saves and everybody elses, that's fine too. Just stay out of my face! And for the record you smell like crap!" [Derek walks in]ALEX: [shrugs] "She attacked me." [Meredith attacks]DEREK: [steps in] "Meredith, Meredith!" [to Alex] "You know, you might want to leave, before I change my mind and let her beat you to a pulp with her tiny, ineffectual fists."ALEX: [whistles at Meredith] "A miserable, diseased, dirty ex-mistress? That's hot. I feel better already."ALEX: [to Meredith, about failing his boards] "If I tell Izzie, she'll be all supportive and... she might as well just rip my nads off and turn them into earrings."CRISTINA: "You know, it's like there's a wall. The attendings and the residents are over there being surgeons, and we're over here being-"MEREDITH: "Suturing, code-running, lab-delivering penis minders."ALEX: "I hate being an intern."MEREDITH: "So anyway, the crap crime scene guy can't get out here 'til tomorrow, so I get to spend the night with my penis!" [pauses] "Alex, don’t say it."ALEX: "It was too easy anyway."ALEX: "My head hurts."CRISTINA: "Maybe it's a tumor."ALEX: "You wish I had a tumor."CRISTINA: "I'd rip your face off if it meant I got to scrub in."MIRANDA: [to Cristina] "An intern was reassigned, so he's mine now. Have him shadow you for the day. Show him how I do things."ALEX: "Alex Karev, nice to meet you."CRISTINA: "Ah, the pig who called Meredith a nurse. I hate you on principle."ALEX: "And you're the pushy, overbearing kiss ass. I hate you too."CRISTINA: "Well, this should be fun then."ALEX: "Nice panties, Yang!"CRISTINA: "In your dreams, Evil Spawn!"ALEX: "Here's the thing... I like your rack."IZZIE: "God, what is wrong with you? Why do you have to be so... what is wrong with you?"ALEX: "I like your rack and I'd want them around if I could have them, trust me I would, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if you got rid of them... because really, I want you."[Izzie slaps him]ALEX: "Ow! What was that for?"[Izzie kisses him]IZZIE: [referring to Savannah's operation] "I couldn't do it."ALEX: "What? Make yourself all hot and sexy for your boyfriend like Yang?"CRISTINA: "Go wrestle something." ALEX: "We should be hearing from Dr. Burke any minute."DR. HAHN: "That's what you said half an hour ago. Well, whether or not we hear from him, when we hit that hour mark, I'm going in to get my heart."IZZIE: "Can you please... please, just get out? I want to be alone with Denny."ALEX: "Izzie, that’s not Denny."IZZIE: "Shut up."ALEX: "Izz, its not Denny. The minute his heart stopped beating, he stopped being Denny. I know you love him... but he also loved you. And a guy that loves you like that, he doesn't want you to do this to yourself. Because its not Denny, Not any more."IZZIE: "An hour ago he was proposing. And now… and now hes going to the morgue. Isn't that ridiculous? Isn't it the most ridiculous piece of crap you've ever..." [starts sobbing, Alex consoles her]ALEX: "Hey, you look nice."IZZIE: "Thanks, so do you. Hot date?"ALEX: "Nah, this thing is cheesy. Wouldn't waste a decent chick on it. You headed in?"IZZIE: "Yeah, I'm just gonna go see Denny first."ALEX: "Oh. Okay."ALEX: [to Richard] "Let's say you were drafted to a team that wasn’t your first pick. You know, you don't like the players. You hate the way they play the game. You even think the quarterback is full of crap. The quarterback's a pain in the ass you don't owe a damn thing to. But, it's your team. You don't quit. You don't talk to the press. You don't bitch to the coach. You just... you go out there on Sunday and you make the blocks and you take the hits and you play to win. You show up and you suit up and you play, because it's your freaking team."GEORGE: "Not to bother you, but-"MIRANDA: "What? Alright, one of you better spit out the problem right now."ALEX: "The problem is the colors and the balloons and the Under the Sea. No, it's Titanic. Hey ,lets go with Tears in Heaven. No, that’s too morbid. It should be pink, it should be red, it should be a freaking rainbow-"GEORGE: "What he's saying is that we're very, very hopeful that you speak teenage girl."MIRANDA: "Silver and white. It's mystical and magical without being over the top. Ever seen Fashion Week in New York? Lots of silver and white runways and backdrops. That’s because no matter what color the clothes are, they pop."HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS: "They pop?"MIRANDA: "They pop! O'Malley and Karev, get 500 balloons in silver and white. A hundred in black, shiny black, not the matte. Yang, stick with Camille, keep her happy, keep her spirits up. Grey, talk to Patricia, make sure we can rope off the second floor nurses' station and the waiting room!" ALEX: [groaning, head in hands]GEORGE: "Are you having a seizure?"ALEX: "Will that get me out of here? Fine then, let's go with seizure. For the love of God, you people need to get a life!"GEORGE: "Chief's niece. Chief's niece."CAMILLE'S FRIEND: "It's okay, the hot ones are always mean, it's like a rule or something." ALEX: [smiles]IZZIE: [to Richard] "I cut the LVAT wire."MEREDITH: "Actually, I cut the LVAT wire."GEORGE: "No, I did. I'm the one who cut the wire." [pauses, elbows Christina]CRISTINA: "Fine, I cut the LVAT wire."ALEX: "I didn't do anything, I'm totally innocent."MEREDITH: "Alex, do this, for Izzie."ALEX: "I'm not guaranteeing anything." ALEX: "Wow, Isobel Stevens has finally left the hospital. Does this mean her beloved heart patient finally kicked it?"IZZIE: "I'm sorry, this section of the bar is for surgeons. We don't socialize with gynecologists."IZZIE: "All I'm saying, George, is that if she needs to pee she can at least wear a bra. Or maybe wait until she's alone. And for the love of all things sanitary, could she just wash her hands? She's a surgeon!"GEORGE: "You guys were blocking the sink. Anyways, I think you're exaggerating."IZZIE: "She peed! Naked peeing! Ask Meredith, Meredith. Oh that's right, I forgot, you're not talking to her. If you were, she'd tell you that Calli crosses the line. So crossed the line. So freaking crossed." [looks at Alex]ALEX: "Oh, we're still pretending that you're not seeing a patient, right?"ADDISON: "Good work, Dr. Karev. The baby's going to live."ALEX: [walks away] "Yeah... without a mother."ALEX: "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."ADDISON: "Dr. Karev, you did such a good job today that I'm going to talk to Dr. Bailey and have you assigned to my service."ALEX: "What? For how long?"ADDISON: "For as long as I want. Your ass is mine until I say otherwise. Congratulations."IZZIE: "How can someone be so offensive, yet so charming all at the same time?"ALEX: "It's an art form." ALEX: [to Meredith] "Look... I'm just saying you can talk to me if you want, because, you know, even if I repeat every word you say, no one around here likes me. They'd just call me a liar and move on."IZZIE: "Why do you do that?"ALEX: "Do what?"IZZIE: "Act like an ass whenever any one but me is around. They hate you enough as it is." MEREDITH: [to Derek] "Stop talking to me like you're my boyfriend. Stop talking to me... at all!" [Storms out]ALEX: "Dude, that was rough."ADDISON: "Dr. Karev-"ALEX: "Sorry. I don't do vagina. Not as a doctor anyway."ADDISON: "Oh, back talk, that buys you a case."MEREDITH: "Obviously I can't go out with him, right?"ALEX: "Do I look like a chick to you? Do I look like I care about yeast cream or tingling feelings? He's not on drugs or in jail or keeping body parts in his basement. If you wanna do 'em, do 'em."MEREDITH: "Not do him. Date him. I'm not doing anybody. I'm knitting."ALEX: "Surgery is the only specialty at the hospital where we don't waste time getting to know the patients. They're slabs of meat, and we're butchers."MEREDITH: "How do you know I did something and not George?"ALEX: "Because. Bambi looks upset and you look guilty."CRISTINA: "I am a 55 year old man. I'm nauseous and I can't stop throwing up."ALEX: "Forget it, alright. I didn't ask for anybody's help."CRISTINA: "Look, evil spawn, you can nurse your pride -- the key word being nurse -- or you can pass your test and be a doctor. Up to you."ALEX: [pauses] "Any abdominal pain?"CRISTINA: "Yes, from my giant fat belly all the way to my back. Oh, and I'm drunk. Hiccup. Hiccup." GEORGE: [looking at Dr. Bailey] "Look at her! She's almost as wide as she is tall."MEREDITH: "Are her ankles swollen?"IZZIE: "It's gonna be weird when she goes on leave."CRISTINA: "Leave? She's going on leave?"MEREDITH: "That's usually what happens when people push babies out of their vaginas."GEORGE: "You think we'll get a new resident?"ALEX: "Nah. They'll probably just leave us all unattended, see how much damage we can do."IZZIE: "Yeah, well, you would know."NICOLE: "I'm like the oldest living prospective college freshman not to go to first base."ALEX: "Don't worry. There are way bigger losers than you, trust me."NICOLE: "I don't like you."ALEX: "Yeah, you do."NICOLE: "Jerk."ALEX: "Motormouth."NICOLE: Babysitter.ALEX: "Two-wheeler."NICOLE: [pauses, smiles] "Now that's just politically incorrect."ALEX: "So this whole lying thing. That's working out for you?"BEATRICE: "Excuse me?"ALEX: "Look, you're going to die and soon. You get that, right? There's no rosy picture to paint here."BEATRICE: "You're not a mother. You don't know what its like to hold your newborn baby in your arms and smell the top of her head... and know that your only job in this world is to protect her."ALEX: "You think you're protecting her?"BEATRICE: "I'm protecting her."ALEX: "Well, you call it what you want. But you should know you're leaving behind a kid that will probably hate you for the rest of her life."ALEX: [to Dr. Burke] "I tell the truth. It's what I do. It doesn't make me a bad doctor. Everyone walks around this place lying. We tell a patient who's dying that there's hope when there is no hope. Maybe I'm a pig. Maybe I'm an ass. Maybe I'm a vermin like everybody says. But I tell the truth. It's the only thing I got going for me, and you don't get to take that away and call it a lesson. Sir."MEREDITH: [narrating] "Everybody's a liar."PRESTON: "Dr. Grey, is that a dog?"MEREDITH: [holding dog by the leash] "No."MIRANDA: "Tell me that is not a dog."ALEX: "It's not a dog."ALEX: "Izz, It's gonna be okay."IZZIE: You're just saying that."ALEX: "I know. Hey, where are you going?"IZZIE: "I can't just... I gotta do something to help. But thank you... thank you for saying it’s gonna be okay, even if that's just what you say."GEORGE: "I feel like colors are brighter than usual. Does anyone else think colors are brighter? My head hurts."ALEX: "That's the adrenaline."IZZIE: "Would you two just shut up! Nobody cares if the blue is bluer or if you have super smelling powers. Meredith could die. Any minute she could just die. Actually stop living. Dead. Corpse. "IZZIE: [giggles] "I'm sorry. Sorry. God, I have really inappropriate reactions to stress."IZZIE: "Stop!"ALEX: "What?"IZZIE: "You have dirty in your eyes."ALEX: "You have dirty in your eyes."IZZIE: "Well I'm not doing dirty with you anymore. It was a one-time lapse in judgment."ALEX: "No, it was a four-time lapse in judgment."GEORGE: "Why is he suturing his own face?"CRISTINA: "To turn me on..."ALEX: "Because he's Mark Sloan. The guy is like the go-to plastic surgeon on the east coast."GEORGE: "That’s the guy Addison was sleeping with."IZZIE: "Can you really blame her?"CRISTINA: "No, not really."GEORGE: "Yes, you can."MEREDITH: "Well McSexy wants an X-ray to check for fractures and I think it’s a bad idea if I go with him."GEORGE: "Why?"ALEX: "I'm on it."GEORGE: "Why is that a bad idea?"CRISTINA: "McSexy?"MEREDITH: "That's not right."IZZIE: "McYummy?"CRISTINA: "Mmm... no."MEREDITH: "McSteamy."CRISTINA: "There it is!"IZZIE: "Yup."GEORGE: "Allow me to choke back some McVomit."PRESTON: [to Izzie and Alex] "Neither of you are scrubbing in. Please leave."ALEX: "Fine, I'll watch from the deck."PRESTON: "No, you won't. Whatever's going on here, I don't need this negative energy anywhere near my O.R."IZZIE: "What did you say to him?"ALEX: "What are you talking about?"IZZIE: "Why does he think he's dying?"ALEX: "Maybe because he is."IZZIE: "Just so we're clear... we're over, Alex. This is over."ALEX: "What? You're breaking up with me over a corpse!"IZZIE: "No! No! I'm breaking up with you because... on your very best day, that corpse... is twice the man you will ever be. You're not good enough for me, Alex. You're not good enough for anyone."ALEX: "O'Malley, you are a pathetic excuse for a man."GEORGE: "Excuse me?"ALEX: "You heard me. You're like a whiny little girl.MEREDITH: "Alex!"ALEX: [to Meredith] "You know why he's not speaking to you, because he's not over you."ALEX: [to George] So you got laid and it went badly. A man would move on. But you? You mope around like a dog that likes to get kicked. You make me sick. If it wouldn’t get me thrown out of the program, I'd smash your pathetic little face right into that locker."CRISTINA: [referring to George] "What is with him?"ALEX: "Okay, 50 bucks O'Malley caught her doing McDreamy."IZZIE: "McDreamy?"ALEX: "Did I just call the dude McDreamy?"CRISTINA: "Oh, you know you did."ALEX: [to Izzie] "You are ruining my life."IZZIE: "We need to talk." ALEX: "Why?" IZZIE: "You kissed me." ALEX: "Yes, I did." IZZIE: "Should we... I mean, there's a discussion that we could have... if you wanted to have one?" ALEX: "Look. Izzie. I kissed you, with tongue, and I plan to do it again and again. So get used to it. End of discussion. IZZIE: [blushes] "Okay." ALEX: [sees George crouching down] "What are you doing?" GEORGE: "Hiding. There's this VIP patient that likes me." ALEX: "Well, that's good, right?" GEORGE: "No, you don't understand. He likes me, likes me." ALEX: "Hey, go for it, man. Get yours. I'm down with the rainbow." GEORGE: [silence] ALEX: [pauses] "Oh, are you not gay?" GEORGE: "No." ALEX: "Really? Dude, sorry." ALEX: [to teenage patient who asks him to kiss her]: "Hey, listen. For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something... to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere... apick kiss so hot and so deep that you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. You don't want to. Trust me. When you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything.ALEX:season, "So,click GreyEasyEdit, and Stevens really walk around in their underwear?"GEORGE: "Um... Not all the time. Istart mean,adding some of the time. But not all the time."ALEX: "Sexy underwear?"GEORGE: "Yeah..."ALEX: "And they just let you look at them?"GEORGE: "Well, uh... yeah."ALEX: "So they're like your sisters?"GEORGE: "No! Not like sisters. Uh... no! I don't think of them like sisters."ALEX: "But they're not coming on to you?"GEORGE: "Well, not exactly."ALEX: "And they don't expect you to do anything."GEORGE: "No, but..."ALEX: "Like sisters. Just like sisters."ALEX: [to Meredith] "That's what you do. When you feel sorry for yourself, you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate men. It's okay. I find it charming."ALEX: "Why are you helping me after what I did?"IZZIE: "'Cause it's what Jesusfavorite would freaking do!" ALEX: "Morning, Dr. Model." quotes!
IZZIE: "Dr. Evil Spawn."
ALEX: "Ooooh, nice tat. Do they airbrush that out for the catalogs?"
IZZIE: "I don't know. What do they do for the 666 on your skull?"